You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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