he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
