so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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