Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
