i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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