Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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