Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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