My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
