Will you blow on my dice?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
