So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
