Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
