btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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