I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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