I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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