People with herpes should wear stickers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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