I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize