Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
