I look better un-naked...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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