Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
