we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
