Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
