At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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