I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
