K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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