after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
