its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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