I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so much tequila, so little girl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
