went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
