Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
