Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize