So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
