Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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