woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just gift wrapped bread.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
