I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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