I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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