I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
