New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
