Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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