thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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