question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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