farters have to be the big spoon...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
