I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
