Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize