If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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