Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
