I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
