her vagine was all disorganized.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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