There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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