whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
