I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
