i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
