Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
