Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
