I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
