I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
