mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
