I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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