Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
