I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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