Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
