I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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