He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
