so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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